Monday, January 5, 2015

I'm baaaack and a brief thought on my 5th Anniversary

Let me tell you guys something.

When your baby and your toddler are on opposite nap schedules, it's fairly easy to let the bloggy-doo slip all the way to the back back BACK burner.

A little update on me:

I haven't slept through the night since Owen was born. Not to worry, this won't be a blog post about how underappreciated/exhausted/misunderstood I am as a stay-at-home-mom. I'm just sayin'...if my writing makes no sense, then that's why.

Perhaps the most exciting little ditty coming up is mine and N's FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY.

Yes, that hunk has stuck around and loved me really well for five years.

I never really understood why people told us the first year would be the hardest until I was five years out. It took me looking back to see why people say that.

Our marriage is at a great place right now, but it takes a lot of strategy. This weekend, my sister babysat the kids while N. and I did errands together and it was life-changing. We went to Home Goods, y'all, and you'd have thought were were on an all-expenses-paid trip to Belize.

Anyway, I like our marriage better now than in the beginning. I had trust issues you wouldn't believe. I had expectations and contentment issues coming out of my ears. Of course, I didn't see all of those things at the time. I have a tendency to not know I'm in the trenches until I'm out of them.

My current favorite song is Islands by Sara Bareilles. She writes about being able to "count on one hand the number of good men" she knows. I get that. I completely and utterly get that. That sounds sad. I don't mean it to be. What I mean is, if I were to count them up myself, my husband would be the first man I count without a second's hesitation. And trust. Oh how I love you, trust. Trust is such a comforting feeling. And I can actually say 100%, no doubt in my mind, that I trust N. You know how I know? I can't remember the last time I thought about trusting him. That's saying something for an anxiety-prone over-thinker.

This is not to say that he is perfect (sorry, babe) or that our marriage is a walk in the park. In fact, this time last year was brutal. Brutal. And the two things that kept me in it were:

-a daily, purposeful decision to surrender to the marriage process despite an actual, physical urge to either dig in my heels or leave

-my vows

I know this is vague. Sorry. Now it's over a year later, and we are both able to look back and say,

"Woof. That sucked. Glad we stuck it out."

And now I feel better prepared for the next blow our marriage takes. Because I know they're coming. That's life. That's what I signed up for.

I think I'm at the end of this post now. I've missed this.

xo

B









1 comment:

  1. yaaay youre back!! glad you are doing better now :) congrats on 5 years!!

    ReplyDelete