Sunday, March 23, 2014

selling a house and a lesson in control

There are days when I'm like, "Oh, how beautiful; I get to grow this life in my womb and bring it forth into the world!" and I'm all sunshine-y and butterflies-ey.

Then there are days when I literally pee my pants a little, without warning, because the baby round house kicks my bladder.

The glamour don't stop, y'all.

We are, as I've said in previous posts, selling our house.

It's been an adventure and a lesson in control. We get emails or calls that our house will be showing in however many hours or minutes. N. has been traveling a lot or, of course, at work, so it's usually me, 30 weeks pregnant running around the house like an OCD person, making sure the blinds are up, the lights are on, the counters are wiped down the diaper genie is emptied and that everything is literally perfect. Then, if I've managed to keep them both from destroying my efforts, I heave Simon into the car and carry the dog like a calf (Remember how pregnant I am? This gets comical, you guys) and toss him in the backseat, too. He is 70 pounds. I should mention that Turk is afraid to get in cars. He's also afraid of putting on his harness, so truly: I have to budget in about 6-7 extra minutes to get him outside and into the car, so we can leave for a showing. Then I leave them both in the car and run inside to do one last sweep:

Are there legos on the stairs?
Are the toilets all flushed?
Has Simon started the washing machine...again?

We drive to the park or the store for an hour or so. Then we get back and do it again the next day or the next few days after that. Most of the time these efforts end up with a little email survey telling us that the house was lovely, but they won't be putting in an offer for this reason or that. That's life in the housing market, I've learned. But it's still really hard for me not to take it personally, like,

but didn't they see how cute the breakfast nook is?
but what about this VIEW?
but I VACUUMED AND MOPPED THE WHOLE HOUSE!

and most days I have to push down this animal who gets loose inside me, thrashing about and wanting to gain just an ounce of control over this huge life-altering, time-sensitive, emotional process.

Like I said, a lesson in control. I realize through all this that I have a fairly sizable lack of faith.

If I had been the one asked to step out of the boat and walk on the water towards Jesus, I would've sunk as soon as my toes hit the water. Ye of little faith. 

We sang "Be Thou My Vision" at church this morning:

High King of heaven my victory won
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun
Heart of my own heart whatever befall
Still be my vision O Ruler of all 

Ruler of ALL? Even little ole me with my petty little concerns about selling a house and finding another one, so I have a place for my baby girl to come home to when she's born? Yeah, even the Ruler of that, I reckon. 

Ok, Lord. 

Thou and Thou only.

xo, 

B






 




2 comments:

  1. I feel ya... Micah and I being apart, working full time outside the home, being mom, trying to buy a house, and clean our rental every couple days for our landlord's showing is something I wouldn't wish on anyone! It is sanctifying though and the end is worth it I promise!

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  2. Thank you so much for this post! "Ye of little faith" really opened my eyes and reminded me to stop worrying. Good luck selling your home and finding a new one!!

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