Friday, December 6, 2013

I'm level-headed and reasonable

At 2:20am this morning (last night?) our house alarm went off. My first thought, obviously, was that we needed to formulate a quick plan to kill the armed men who had climbed Mission: Impossible style into our home and were planning to steal/murder us.

I hopped out of bed, looked at Turk, and told him it was go-time. His whole dog-hood came down to this moment. He sensed it, walked to the top of our stairs, annoyed at the beeping alarms, scratched behind his hear, then came back to bed. Thanks, Turk. It's all on me now. Well, and N. who has just now risen out of bed to "check and see. "

Check and see? I already had my phone in my hand ready to dial back-up, had mentally placed all of the weapons in our home and strategized how I could escape while holding Simon and picking off the intruders.

N. went downstairs, turned off the alarm and reported that the patio door had been blown open by the wind.

Sure, whatever.

I made sure we checked every window and sent Turk to scour the basement. "Sic' Em!" I said, because it seemed like the right thing at the time.

As it turns out, the patio door had been blown open by the wind...

I was still in attack mode as Turk and N. drifted back to sleep.

Just like any other reasonable person would do, I decided to lull myself back to sleep my imagining all of the possibilities in my mind. What if it wasn't wind? What if it was the punk kids one street up? What if it was an animal? Then I stumbled upon the truth:

It was Zombies.

I shook N. "Baby, it's Zombies." I can't even let N. watch The Walking Dead when I'm in the house. They make a terrible scraggly breathing sound that nearly sends me to my grave from fear.

"Mhm." He said. I made up a scene in my mind: the Zombies were being pushed East by the ice storm headed up the middle of the country. They were hungry. They were coming for my baby. They know I'm pregnant. More nutrients!

I woke up no less than three times the rest of the night, careful to remind myself to buy a panic room today.

Just another night being level-headed me.

How did everyone else sleep?



1 comment:

  1. THIS is hilarious! I love your blog already, but this post was too, too cute. Mom-brains shall never rest again!