Monday, September 16, 2013

Mmmmmmmhmmmmm

So, I called the guy. And he was slammed busy. Turns out, lots of folks need therapy. (Can I get an "Amen!"?)  So he referred me to an equally wonderful counselor, a gal. Let's call her, M.

I have been twice. I sat on the couch, which is very squishy, and asked her if it would be alright if I sat Criss-Cross Applesauce (someone told me you're not supposed to say "Indian Style" anymore), and she said "Oh, yes. However you're most comfortable."

Both times, I started sentences with, "I've never told anyone this before, but..."

And she's said, "Brett. That is very normal," and gone on to explain why people feel that way, how to not let my thoughts spiral out of control, or other super helpful things.

I told her my whole life story. The first part, the first time. The second part, the second time.

Both times, she noticed that I use words like "supposed to" or "should" and asked me so lovingly,

"Why do you say you're 'supposed to' feel that way?" or "Why do you say you 'should' do that thing?"

And I cried. I've never had someone ask me questions like that before where I felt like I could tell the truth.

I talked about every little aspect of my life, then I sat back and waited for her to wince and say something like "Oh honey, you're in a world of trouble for doing and thinking that." I always expected a counselor to wince at me one time or another. But she hasn't. She probably won't.

She nodded and says, "Mmmmhmmmm," which helps me to keep talking, because I feel like she's listening and "getting it," you know?

Fridays are my days. I am planning on seeing her each Friday until....I don't know what until.

I'll just plan on seeing her on Fridays.

Thanks for encouraging me, bloggums, to see someone. I really needed the push. I'm glad you gave it.

xo,

B







3 comments:

  1. I have always loved your blog and your openness. I love the fact that you are open about seeking assistance. I've been in and out of counseling for good portions of my life, and even on anti-depressants the 4 months leading up to my wedding (what? aren't you supposed to be HAPPY then?!) I needed to hear over and over again that there is no shame in seeking help, and it's the BRAVE thing to do. I didn't feel brave, but hearing I was over and over again slowly started to sink in. I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that you are brave and wise and wonderful :)

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  2. sometimes all we need is a little support and a gentle shove in the right direction. also, Friday seems like a good day to hit refresh and start the weekend anew!

    this TED talk is circulating online, but i thought i'd send it your way. i identified with it and thought you might too :)

    http://www.ted.com/talks/meg_jay_why_30_is_not_the_new_20.html

    crystal j.

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