Monday, January 7, 2013

why I can't listen to the Braveheart soundtrack


I have make it a point not to listen to music when I write a post.

That's because I can't help but allow the emotion of the song influence the way I write. Right now, for example, I'm listening to Sigur Ros and it's making me feel mournful and sad and regretful. None of which are emotions that I will feel as soon as Spotify changes songs. I need to turn it off.

N. thinks I'm crazy, because I beg him not to play music from soundtracks that are too painfully beautiful. The Braveheart sountrack, for example, or almost anything by Eric Whitacre cannot be played in my house because it physically makes me hurt. It's too beautiful.

Anyone? Anyone?

Ok. Fine. I'm crazy.

I also have to be insanely picky about the tv and movies I watch. Things that are violent or gruesome or overly sad keep me awake at night. I can't separate fiction from my daily life sometimes.  Especially if I identify with a character.

It's only seven days into 2013, and I'm already making some valuable self-realizations.

I'm sensitive to suggestive emotion. I am highly prone to fear.

I am only realizing this about myself because I see it in my son.

He doesn't do well in nurseries or daycares where other children are squealing and running around playfully. He gets overwhelmed and scared. I can't vacuum too closely to him because his eyes get big and he sticks his lip out and whimpers. If I call the dog too loudly, he jumps and bursts into tears.

He is a sensitive little guy like his mama.

I think this is the first time that I've seen something negative that I've passed down to my son. It makes me sad, but it also gives me more resolve to pray for my struggles for my son's sake. I have verses and prayers posted all over my house to remind me that God didn't give me a fearful spirit. And now I can pray and say those things for Simon.

My favorite right now is a simple saying that I have taped across my bathroom mirror, 

"Feed your faith and your fear will starve to death."


Do any of you struggle with fear? Are any of you easily swayed by the emotion in art?

xo,

B


6 comments:

  1. Yes, I am with you. Jurassic Park theme song. I can't do it.

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  2. I can't watch shows like NCIS and CSI anymore, especially before bed. And definitely not when Chris is traveling for work. I've always been sort of a scaredy cat. Music makes me feel things inside. And if a sad song comes on, my mood immediately changes until it is over.

    As far as Simon not liking abrubt noises or kids playing loudly, Mason was that way for quite a while. He still is to a certain extint. I think it's because he's not in daycare although he does fine at play dates. I think it has a lot to do with their age. A lot will change in the next 6 months!

    I've always been fearful of things. Those fears have become quite unbearable now that I'm a mom. I almost feel like I'm begging God to keep Mason safe everyday of his life. But I know that I have to have faith that God has a plan. It's hard though!

    That's my spill!

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  3. Brett, you have often been able to identify and to express your emotions and feelings. I believe it is part of what makes you an excellent writer. I am wondering if the birth of S has elevated your fear feelings because they stem from a deep motherly desire to protect him? You have chosen a wise way to combat fear when it takes over.Yep, you are a little crazy but in a good way!

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  4. If I listen to too much country/bluegrass, I will weep uncontrollably.

    I can't listen to movie soundtracks, ever, because I'll immediately be transported to the movie.

    Watching Glee is emotionally exhausting. Those kids, they MEAN IT so much. (This might not be the same, but still...)

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  5. I needed this, thank you.

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  6. I am the same way. I am prone to fear at night when I'm alone. Usually, I'll just repeat to myself, "I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night" (Galileo).
    Music is the same way. I have gotten in the habit now of writing in silence, and the difference is astounding. I'll be praying for you and Simon, that you will both experience immense peace and calm:)

    www.trulytricia.com

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