I'm nervous to write this post. Truly. I have butterflies in my gut right now, and I've been avoiding the task all morning. I've gotten up to pee, re-heated my coffee three times, made Ramen, folded laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, watched two episodes of Gossip Girl, nursed Simon, pumped a bottle, bought Christmas gifts online, re-organized the pantry, wrapped a wedding gift and written thank you notes. Now, I have no more excuses and it's time I pound this thing out.
I'm nervous to write about my decision to stay at home and not go back to work, because it's such a sensitive topic, and I don't necessarily think there's a right or wrong decision to make when it comes to this. I only think there's a right decision for each mama and a right decision for each child.
So, when you read about my decision to stay home with Simon, please don't hear me say that I think it's what every mom should do. In fact, I would guess that some moms are better moms because they go back to work. Every person is different, so every mom is, too.
I love a goal. I love a challenge. I love to master a discipline. Knowing this about myself always led me to believe that I'd be best suited to go back to work after having babies.
Little did I know that Simon would be the hardest work I ever did and the greatest goal I'd ever set.
I've never put more of my soul into anything. Literal blood, sweat and tears have paved this road for me.
On the outside, my days look like an endless reel of diaper changing, errand running, meal planning, dog walking, baby soothing and laundry folding. And to some, that may seem boring. But I've never felt more purpose in my life.
You know that wonderful exhaustion you feel after a hard day's work?
I get to feel that every day.
I'm sure that some people may think this makes me sound very simple. So be it.
I get to experience the refining power of selflessness every day: emotionally, financially and physically.
I'm a better Brett because of who I am when I'm at home with Simon. I'm more patient. I'm more driven. I'm more disciplined. I'm more confident. I'm more passionate. I'm more focused.
I experience my best self at home. And I want my best self for my son. That's why I stayed home.
This works for me. My soul is thriving. My marriage is thriving. My son is thriving. I'm satisfied.
Staying at home was the right decision for us. What was the right decision for you?