Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Dear Simon

Dear Simon,

You are 9 weeks and 3 days old today. Well, tonight, at 11:02pm.

Motherhood has completely changed me. I couldn't have prepared myself for the transformation that has taken place in my soul because of you, little one.

Most of this transformation has been so beautiful. I have found patience that I didn't know I had. I have developed a selflessness that I didn't think I was capable of. I have learned of a love that literally overwhelms me every. single. day. to the point of tears. I honestly can't remember life before you, Simon.

But some of this transformation has been hard. I write you this so that one day, if you get married and have children, you can know just a little of what your wife may go through.

I can let myself obsess over you too much. Are you getting enough to eat? Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you sleeping well? Are you at a risk for SIDS? Should we be vaccinating you? It's hard, Simon, for you not to become an idol to me. If I let myself, I could sit in your nursery with you and worry about you all day long. And I would be lying if I said I didn't have days like that. That's not healthy, son. Although my love for you is overwhelming, it shouldn't consume me the way it does sometimes.

I have to pray every.single. day (all day long, at that) for God's help, so that I don't let my love and protection for you become fearful or anxious or worrisome. There's a fine line when it comes to being a healthy mom, and I'm still learning where that line is.

Enough about me, though. Let me tell you about YOU:

You are adorable, for starters. You have huge blue eyes that are turning more gray each day. They are shiny and bright. Your eyes are my favorite physical feature of yours. Your smile takes up your entire face. It's a wonder to me that your face doesn't pop sometimes when you smile.

That's when you're happy. But boy, do you get mad sometimes. You can be quite touchy about how you're held. You like to be held upright and bounced or walked. And when I say bounced, I mean bounced. Some people look at me funny, but it's what you like for some reason. You also don't like to be passed back and forth from person to person. You're going to have to outgrow that one, though, because the families that you were born into loooooooove babies.

You suck your thumb when I put your on your tummy. You don't have enough control of your limbs to find it at other times. That's your favorite way to be: on your tummy, sucking your thumb. I wish I could let you sleep on your belly, but I would never forgive myself if something ever happened to you, and they say that the risk of SIDS greatly decreases if you sleep on your back, so a back sleeper you'll be.

You're whimpering right now because you've woken up from your nap and you're hungry. You love to nurse and you're darn good at it. I'm thankful for that. You weighed 12lbs at your last doctor's appt--the 75th percentile for your age. Good boy--keep packing on those pounds.

Your mama stinkin' LOVES you, boy.



1 comment:

  1. Love your posts! I'll be praying for that sweet little man to enjoy sleeping on his back :)