Wednesday, August 15, 2012

irrationality, sleep deprivation and a newborn

I keep our blinds open during the day to get the sunlight to pour through our house. We have so many windows. It's one of my favorite things about our home.

I was sitting on the couch on Monday, bouncing Simon and watching the news when I saw a strange car pull up in front of our house.

There was a man in the car with a hat on. He put his car in park and sat there. I thought maybe he was a solicitor or a friend of my neighbor's, so I just sat and watched him, waiting for him to get out of his car. When twenty minutes passed and brother was still sitting in the car twenty feet from my front door, the mama lion in me started to get a little....agitated.

The man looked at our house, looked down at his phone, looked around the neighborhood and then down at his phone again.

Call it hormones, call it motherly instinct, call it downright craziness, but I had given this guy the benefit of the doubt for twenty minutes now, and I now had a mind to give him a warning.

I looked down at my innocent newborn, squirming in his fuzzy bouncy seat, stood up and did what any semi-sane, somewhat-emotionally-stable new mom would do:

I marched my tail outside, brought my unleashed dog with me, and stood cross-armed in my yard, staring directly into his blue-green Altima. I didn't want to be rude. I just wanted to make myself clear. In case, you know, he had any shady ideas.

I gave him a look that said,

I know I don't look like much in my stained yoga pants and my chipped nail polish, but I've got a gun and a brand new baby, and I am capable of just about anything with my three consecutive hours of sleep and a flared up mama bear instinct. You bet your ass I'll blow your brains out if I need to. 

Then Turk pooped and we went inside.

When ten or so minutes passed and dude still hadn't left, I did the reasonable thing:

I called the police.

An officer showed up and I watched from the window. He spoke with the man for a few minutes, checked out his license and registration, nodded his head and drove off, leaving the Altima behind, still parked outside.

I called the dispatcher to follow up on the conversation. I was leaving my house at this point, needing to run some errands before a doctor's appointment, and I asked him what went down.

He answered, "Yeah, he's a landscaper. He was waiting for his crew to show up. Actually, I saw the men with their equipment pull up behind him as I drove away. You're perfectly safe, but give me a call back if anything else seems fishy."

"Oh." I said.

And then I went to Starbucks.


  1. hah - i love this because i would totally do the same thing.

  2. Thanks for a good Wednesday morning laugh! You're tuning in well on those motherly instincts!

  3. Oh dear!! I totally understand your concern - I would have called the police too!!

    Glad it was all ok, and turned out to be a funny story : )

  4. I literally lol'd the entire time I read this- I knew the anticipation that was building up would be the worth the final result. You are a good momma!

  5. Amazing new mom story. Simon is in very safe hands!

  6. I die!!! I feel ya and would have done the same!

  7. thanks for sharing.