Saturday, April 7, 2012

humbling.

N. and I have 15 weeks or less before we meet our little guy...crazy.

So when our Wednesday night Bible study was cancelled this week, we hopped-to and planned a dinner date on the downtown mall.

We sat under a patio umbrella in the rain on the mall, ordered cheeseburgers and a beer to share, which basically just means I looked at it longingly and sipped every few minutes.

I asked N., "So, how's life? What's going on in your head these days?"

I'm not sure if it's just us, or if any other couples out there experience this, but if N. and I don't prioritize intentional talk, then we end up talking about who unloaded the dishwasher or how many times Turk pooped that day.

So we intentionally talked, asked intentional questions. We talked about our jobs, are we significant there? About our marriage, is there something more we should be doing? We talked about traveling, will we ever see Europe now? We talked about God, are we spending enough time with Him? We talked about our son, what kinds of foundations are we building for our family?


It was so very sweet--talking like that with our hearts wide open in the rain.

I told N. that I think God's taking me through a season of humility, perhaps to prepare me for being a mom.

I told N. that I had to ask my boss that day if she could give a client of mine to someone with more experience, because I simply couldn't provide what he needed anymore. Humbling. And how I can't take the stairs at work anymore, because I get so out of breath. Humbling. And how I have never realized until now how much I treasured being thin--how much I let it identify me. Now that I have to dress a whole new way, wear entirely new sizes and watch the scale creep up every week. And how I feel like I never write anymore, and I'm letting down faithful readers. Humbling. And how it's all I can do to vacuum the house once a week before Bible study--much less keep the sheets clean, fold the laundry, cook or shop for groceries. Humbling. And how I was one of the only women not asked to make a dish for a recent party I went to. Very humbling, for some reason.

He nodded the whole time, and he looked at me while I was talking. I treasured that so. I felt really validated, which is exactly what I needed, I think. And all he really said when I was done is,

"Hey, that's OK. I'm so impressed with how you're looking at it. And I think you're smokin' hot*."

*the last part got him brownie points.

I'm going through a season of humility. What kind of season are you going through?

xo,

B






3 comments:

  1. as so many of your posts do, this one touched me. it's so nice to read my feelings through someone else's words. pregnancy has been so very very humbling for me as well, but i think i can gain even more appreciation from the way you put it - God is preparing me to be this little one's mother. and being a mother is a humbling job. but praise the Lord, it'll be so rewarding that most days, hopefully we won't notice how humble we have to be to get through it :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear dear Brett,
    It is truly refreshing to read your thoughts put down so honestly and fearlessly. With this change in Earth's season, when every living things reawakens, I am enduring a new season as well. With the recent and unexpected death of my loving father I am undoubtedly
    going through great grief and mourning. I find it's a fine fine balance of checking in with myself, letting all those memories, stories, hugs, and kisses come flooding through me (and with them- a flood of tears), and then returning, inevitably, to the present moment and the future. It's future that is bright with the hope and the knowledge that every fiber of me was shaped by my dad. He is with me always and looking down on me with God's great company. For me It is a season of beautiful greif over a love that will awaken to the spring in a glorious new form.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and allowing so many others to do so!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Brett, I am also going through a season of humbling. I kept struggling with some of the same issues and when I got frustrated enough, I finally stopped and let God show me what was going on. He began to show me that I was dealing in pride and a fear of rejection. YUCK! I actually told him the other day that I had enough of the lessons for a while and asked Him to give me a little break!
    Thanks for sharing your "stuff".

    ReplyDelete