Tuesday, March 27, 2012

prenatal yoga & prioritizing my marriage

I take a prenatal yoga class every Tuesday at 5:30pm. It’s my “me” time—we spend the first 20 minutes of class going around in a circle, saying what week we are and how we’re feeling. We talk about leaky nipples and weight gain and cravings and popped belly buttons. It’s glorious—indulgent even. We spend the last 5 minutes of class “resting.” This basically means that we lie with our legs up the wall or in a modified child’s pose since most of our bellies won’t allow the traditional pose anymore.

Tonight, I’ll leave class before rest, because I have a date with my man. We’ve got a voucher for our favorite restaurant in town , and we’re going to make darn sure we use it.

Since we found out I was pregnant, we’ve always promised ourselves that we’ll still be one another’s priority—that we won’t let our fascination and love for our son to trump our fascination and love for one another. We’ve sought and gotten good counsel about this, and we feel emphatic about not letting our [sweet!] boy come between us. Now, I’m anticipating that—as with lots of things in life—this is easier said than done. Like, what if “date nights” just won’t work out the way they do now? What if the baby is sick, or I’ve been awake since 4am and I want to fall asleep on the couch? Or N. has to work late and we can’t get a dinner reservation until 8pm and we both fall asleep at the table? Or what if we CAN’T afford going out to dinner at all anymore?? I’m anticipating that one of the biggest shocks to our system will be our loss of independence. How will we prioritize one another when we’re in the midst of figuring out an entirely new, selfless kind of life?

So, mama bloggers: I’m asking for help. Have any of you figured this out? What does prioritizing your man look like when you’re engorged and tired and not bringing in the extra income you used to? How can I prepare myself—now—to love my man the way he’ll need it come July? How can I prepare him for what I’ll need?

Thank you, thank you, thank you,

Mama 1.0


  1. G/f, let's have coffee. So many good things to come. : )

  2. That's something that each couple has to figure out with time. I can tell you what works for us but it's not normal. Since my husband works rotating shift work our days are never the same. Sometimes we take the kids to a playground and have a picnic and talk. Often we rent a redbox movie and watch it after the kids are asleep. Sometimes we go months without a "date night" and other times its only days in between. This works for us. We do not have any family or friends to take the kids so they are always with us. There are ways to date with kids in tow, you just have to be creative and understand that the romantic part is an after bedtime treat and not necessary to keep that spark alive.

  3. You can't really prepare. We talked about it and prayed about it (good idea), but when it comes down to it, you can't prepare to be less selfish. You have to be given the opportunity to be thoroughly rotten to your spouse and choose not to do so. OR get good at apologizing. Haha. Seriously. Trust that the same God who held your marriage through it's infancy stages into the beautiful thing it is now will hold it still. You've got what it takes :) This is such a joyous, wonderful time. Enjoy!

  4. Date nights at home can be just as fun and romantic as going out, if you put a little thought in it. :) Take out and a movie! Dress up and look cute for him, but no pressure to go out if you're engorged/bloated/whatever.

    And if you're planning to breastfeed, start pumping as soon as you can so that you can leave baby boy home with a sitter as soon as you're comfortable. (This is when aunties come in handy! It's hard leaving your baby with a stranger!)

  5. I think it's great to already be thinking about your priorities and how the time you have will shift but they shouldn't. I/we certainly struggled with this when David was first born. Well, really, for a good 6 months (and having a teen was a factor too.) I think ya'll should plan for a period of time - probably 3 months - to cut yourselves some slack on trying to do too much or get some sort of normal back too quickly (or the new normal, really). To let any extra sleep you can get and time to drool over the miracle of baby Baker be ok. And, of course, take your friends up on their offers to watch your baby for a date 'night.' Even if it's just an afternoon walk on the DT mall. Remember doing that for us? We were so blessed by it.

  6. A hearty "amen" to pumping! It hasn't worked out for me with every baby, but it's been a huge blessing when it has.

    Also... just a small thing that makes a world of difference: if possible, greet your hubby at the door when he comes home from work. I mean, go to where he is, look in his eyes, give him a real kiss, tell him you're so glad he's home kinda greeting. Even if the baby's screaming and dinner is boiling and you're still in your jammies, make him the priority for that one moment. It can set the tone for the whole evening, and when your little boy is older, it will speak volumes to him.

  7. Our first date out was when Ethan was 2 months old. We left Ethan with a friend and went to C'ville Coffee for an hour. I would say keep it simple at first. It will not be possible to go out to dinner AND a movie. You may have to pick one or get it in before little boy has to eat or sleep again.
    I would also say that a new sort of time appears, family time. And it can be really sweet. To see N with your little boy will create even more love in your heart for him. Cherish that and tap into that. It's a deeper and more full love- being parents together.
    It's a wild, fun ride and I wish you 2 the best. :)