Sunday, January 8, 2012

anniversary post

It'll be two years tomorrow.

Two years? That flew.

I'm sitting in the nook. There's a West Elm catalog sprawled open on my left, and a black Sharpie on my right. I'm not sure how or why that got there. My point is that this is how and where I wrote when we first got married. I would sit in this little nook with breakfast leftovers getting cold on a little white plate like they are right now. The sun is pouring in the exact same way it did two years ago.

There are differences all around me:
the walls are painted now
there's a copper-colored dog resting his head on my lap now
I'm so much more peaceful
I think I'm happier, too

I didn't realize until just now--as I'm intentionally comparing myself to then and now--how afraid I think I used to be.

I think I felt like we were fragile--could our little baby marriage survive past a honeymoon?  Looking back, it felt like every day was an unspoken race of endurance. Would we sustain this happiness? I was happy, but I was so scared it was tentative. I didn't realize this until today.

I only know I felt that way, because I feel so different now.

Now, I'm so darn happy--like, free and happy.

I don't that silent twinge of still having something to prove. I don't feel afraid anymore.

It's glorious and happy and I just love living life with my tall man. Each day I realize a little more that I can't imagine doing this thing without him.

Thank you, Lord, for freeing my heart from the fear of being happy. Thank you, N., for giving me every reason in the world to be confident about this love.

I love you, babe. Here's to year three!

xo,

b

3 comments:

  1. breaking freeeeee! :) happy for you and nathaniel and where you are.

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  2. The best kind of Baker Music to our ears - we love you Brett and your description of deep changes and freedom make us so happy -- crazy about you girl!

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  3. Happy anniversary you two! So glad that you have become part of our family, Brett.

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