Wednesday, September 7, 2011

so how's marriage?

I worked out with a sweet friend this morning at 6:15am. We met outside in the cold, spitting rain and kind of looked at each other like, “Are we really about to do this?”

We bee bopped around from machine to machine, trying to awaken our muscles from hibernation when she asked,

“So how’s marriage?”

I answered with a few anecdotal add-ins, but I’ve been thinking about that question all day.

I sometimes worry that I misrepresent my life here. I’ve always been a “glass-half-full” kinda gal, so I’ve always made it a point to be positive here. But I don’t want to sacrifice the truth for the optimism, nor do I want to come across like N. and I have it all together.

We don’t.

We have a lot of fun, sure. But we also have to put a lot of work into this thing. There are days when I look up and it’s 11:00pm when I realize I haven’t had a real conversation with N. all day. We’ve been known to go a week and a half without sitting down together for a meal. We can be grouchy and stressed and take it out on each other. We can duke it out with the best of them and then go to bed angry. What I’m trying to say is that although our marriage is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, it’s far from perfect.  FAR from perfect.

There’s a Brooke Fraser song that I think of often,

“Better or worse but what else can we do,
when better or worse I am tethered to you?”

I have learned that we all have expectations( and often they’re unrealistic) that we bring into a marriage and we don’t even know it. These expectations will cause us to disappoint each other (perhaps often) until we learn to value grace over our desires.  

This is how marriage is, truly. Two annoying, mangled humans trying to love one another more than themselves. Sometimes it sucks. But a lot of times it’s beautiful.



  1. Amen! I love how you wrote of valuing grace over our own desires. What an impact that would have on all relationships if we truly displayed that kind of love everyday. Putting grace over what we think we deserve, or what we think that we have the right to feel in certain situations that make us upset, that is truly a Christ centered love. And quite difficult at times, might I add.

  2. I found this entry through the blogosphere and I've come back to it nearly every day since you posted it. Thank you for your honesty about the relationship everyone wants to be perfect. But none of us are ... and it was comforting to think that others feel the same way I do!!!!