Monday, August 1, 2011

I do not crumble, but stand

Two years ago, I had my first taste of betrayal. Without going into too much detail, I can tell you that I crumbled. I could almost physically feel the threads of my trust being pulled apart, one by one. It was like someone had taken their fingernails to my optimism and shredded it until it was so thin, I doubted everyone around me. It was a scary, scary place. It was during mine and N's engagement. I put up walls around me so that not even God himself could get in. I think N. almost gave up on me a few times.  I can't say I blame him. Thank you, Jesus, that he didn't.


I've spent the last two years allowing God to knock down those walls. I think the last few bits of rubble were cleared away about six months ago. I've allowed God to rebuild me. I've finally learned to love N. and let him love me with no hesitation or fear. I've learned that he and I will both let each other down, but that's OK. I've put my whole heart into friendships, and even when they're only returned halfheartedly, I've learned to feel peace about it. I have finally let my identity be in Christ, finally.


So when I recieved the news last weekend that my family and I had been betrayed (again), I was so pleasantly surprised when my first reaction was not to crumble, but to trust.


When I got off the phone with my sisters--and even though it was through tears--I looked at N. and all I could think to say was,


"I still trust."


I am reminded of the house built on the rock--the one that does not crumble.


 “The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”-Matt. 7

I once built my own house on a foundation of shifting sand. And when a wave came, I crumbled.

Now I am built on a Rock, and I do not crumble, but stand.

I do love you all. I hope that no matter what hardships pick at your soul, that you find yourself built on a Rock.

xo,
b

6 comments:

  1. This post was exactly that I needed to read today! It made me feel a whole lot better. I have been going through a really hard time lately and have felt myself falling apart. Your words give me hope and make me feel stronger. You have a great persepective on life! Thank you for sharing your inspiring words with us all :)

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  2. thank you, sweet anonymous friend!

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  3. You are a beautiful person girlfriend! You're words are constantly providing inspiration and comfort. I am so glad that you are finding trust in Christ. That is an action of true and beautiful vulnerability. Thank you for sharing that with all of us:)

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  4. This is why I love you so. Thank you for sharing your heart with such honesty. I think we all have been in this place at one time, and thankful our foundadtion never crumbles. Praise you, Jesus! xoxo

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  5. This is why I love the bakery. Sweet friend, thank you for sharing your heart. I think we have all been in this place at some point. Thank you, Jesus that our foundation is still solid! xoxo

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  6. Brett-
    Beautiful post. Thank you. What a true testament to the Lords work. Keep writing--it touches my heart.

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