Wednesday, July 27, 2011

the honeymoon phase

On the very first day of our vacation, N. and I were bee bopping around in the pool. I was probably trying to pick him up in the water. (This, for some reason, is very amusing to me—that I can pick up my six-foot-seven-inch husband in the water and carry him around…it’s the small things in life.) He probably had this look on his face like, trust me, I'm only doing this because it makes her happy. Whilst the bee bopping, a young man looked over at us and said over his sunglasses,


"you two have honeymooners written all over you."


I giggled. And N. said, "Thanks!"


I began to think right then and there about how, actually, at that very moment, I did feel more giddy and honeymoon-y with N. than I did on our actual honeymoon a year and a half ago. There's something about the time and the comfort and the being able to not only finished each other's sentences, but knowing exactly how he'll address God in his prayers ("God thanks...::he pauses everytime::.....thanks just fer (not for) Your _______________" fill in either "blessings" or "love" or "diligence"). Or not only knowing that even though he says he doesn't want it, he'll drain a cup of grapefruit juice if you pour it for him anyway. Or the memorizing not only what kind of hair product he uses, but knowing that when he's gotten his hair styled just so, N. will pat the top of his head once or twice.  It's the knowing each other well, then knowing a little extra that makes me act giddy and giggly and newlywed-y. 


It's just so amazing to be one.


The young man started asking us how long the honeymoon phase actually is....does it end when we have children? When we've been married for five years plus? When we just get annoyed with one another? (too late for that, brother I thought.)


And then I thought, why does it have to end at all? 


On our real honeymoon, we got all sorts of unsolicited "advice" everywhere we turned,


"Enjoy it now. It gets harder from here on out."
or
"Make sure you buy a comfortable couch, 'cause no doubt he'll be sleeping on it within the year."




Perhaps one reason why married couples lose their newlywed bliss after awhile is because we're expected to. You know what I say?


Fight that. Fight it with all your might.


I truly believe that we don't have to lose this sense of wonder in our marriage. And I believe that about every marriage. I hope that when we're celebrating our ten, twenty or fifty year anniversaries, that someone mistakes us for honeymooners again. 


xo, 


b



8 comments:

  1. That is precious. I love the picture of your pool flirtations. But I totally agree with you. When people make "funny" comments about your marriage getting harder or worse, I can only fake a chuckle that really means, "I feel sorry that you think that way." Perfect bliss isn't the goal but marriage does gets better and better with time. It's such a gift!

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  2. Your blog inspires me! It makes me happy and gives me hope. You are such a wonderful person and deserve this amazing life you lead.

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  3. "Fight that. Fight it with all your might" -- these are precious, beautiful words! I'm going to put this on my fb profile. You're soooo wise.

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  4. thank you thank you thank you to both anons!!!!

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  5. Just a question...

    How does your perspective help and offer hope to a couple whose marriage is HARD? Would you tell them that they lost their honeymoon wonder because they expected to? Because they didn't fight hard enough?


    Love you and your enthusiasm!! I wish I could pick Mark up in the pool. :)

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  6. Jaime--sure you could pick Mark up!

    As for your question, I'm not sure if I believe that any couple ever completely loses that wonder, even if their marriage is HARD. Certainly, it was there when they got married and surely it's somewhere hidden underneath all the crap that can gunk up on a marriage. I would probably tell them that they maybe they haven't "lost" it. I know personally when N. and I have gone through seasons of crap, we've sought out counsel, friends who will pray for us and (just like you taught us to in pre-marital) we pray together! For marriages that seem hopelessly and chronically difficult, well, I don't know how I would encourage them other than to pray and that there's no shame in doing counseling. I'm a huge proponent of counseling--think everybody should have one...or two! :)

    Thanks for the challenge, sister. When will we hear from you again on Campbell Crazies??

    -brett

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  7. amen! You give me so much hope. My boyfriend and I are just beginning to talk seriously about marriage and with divorce all around me, I have been scared! Thank you for this post :)

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