Wednesday, February 9, 2011

what we want/what we need

I am sitting in my breakfast nook just like old times. Except rather than morning, it's night. Instead of sipping coffee, I'm bingeing on water, having just done insanity with N. Instead of waiting on my steel cut oats to cook, I'm waiting on my roasted potatoes to cool and my mother-in-law's tortilla soup to simmer. I can hear N. in the shower. He is singing. He has such an amazing voice. I need to be more thankful for it. I am remembering on Sunday when he kept singing the same line over and over again. I was in some sort of foul mood (now I can't even remember why) and I yelled down the stairs to him as I was getting ready for church,

"Different song Nathaniel!"

I was ugly and hurtful. As soon as I yelled it, the house got quiet. Nathaniel stopped singing. It was eerie. If any of you know my man, you know he hums or sings as often as he breathes. It's who he is. And I tried to hush it.

I felt like I took the life out of him--tried to make him be what I wanted for that moment. And now, looking back, I hate it.

Remember when we were kids, and adults would say, "be careful what you wish for; you just might get it"??

I always thought that was so dumb. Why on earth wouldn't we want what we wish for?

Because sometimes we don't know what we need.

and because sometimes what we want isn't what we truly need.

I am humbled by this tonight, as I sit listening to the soothing sound of my husband's voice carrying itself down the stairs and reverberating off my hardwood floors. When the sound of his voice hits my ears, I am reminded that God knew exactly what He was doing when He put Nathaniel in my life. God gave me him, and I am thankful.


  1. what a thoughtful post. it's funny how we can catch ourselves the minute after we say something hurtful. i'm working on catching it the moment before it leaves my mouth... not always easy.

    liking your blog. will definitely stop by again soon.
    til next time,

    ps i'm hosting a gourmet chocolate GIVEAWAY on my blog, if you care to check it out!

  2. You're so wise. Many times we don't know what we need... and we often don't recognize the things we can live without, too.

    We have much to be thankful for, huh? :)

  3. I had a professor in college who used to say that he thinks that hell will be the unredeemed getting everything they always wanted for all of eternity. Now I'm not sure you could find scripture to back that up, but it sure does make you think.