Friday, December 10, 2010

forgiving friday

I'm sitting in my breakfast nook. Normally, the sun would be cascading in, making me all too aware of my ashy, pale knees. (I sit perched on the bench, because the wood is too cold for my legs). But it's an overcast day, and therefore, forgiving. I'm wearing N.'s wool socks. With shorts.


flattering, no?

See what I mean about the pale/ashy?

Anyway, I am still recovering from a dream I had last night. You know--those dreams where you have to wake yourself up and tell yourself they aren't true, but still dwell on them all day long? It was one of those dreams.

This dream wasn't scary, though. Or even sad, necessarily. But it was like my subconscious dove straight through my brain and my heart, all the way to my gut--where I hold my biggest insecurities.

In my dream, I was surrounded by everyone I have ever wronged. Anyone I had ever hurt. Anyone I had ever argued with. And their families. In my dream, I lived with them in a house, sharing meals with them, doing chores with them, etc. And all day long, these individuals looked at me but didn't talk. In the dream, I was desperate for these people to forgive me. I would try to get their attention, write them letters, sit them down and spill my guts, but it was like they were entranced. And they wouldn't forgive me. I tried to call them on their phones, but their numbers had changed. I couldn't talk to anyone that I had wronged. And then I woke up.

Yuck. What a dream. I still feel kind of dirty. Some of those faces, I hadn't seen for a long time. I guess the soul remembers who you've wronged. I think that dream was my spirit telling me to let things go.

I have a hard time with that: letting things go. It's like a control issue or something.  In real life, I've already asked most of these people for forgiveness. And they have, I think, forgiven me. Some of them have probably even forgotten by now.

Sometimes that's all you can do. Then you have to move on, let things go.

So, this is me letting go.

Happy Friday, everyone. May you let things go today. Things that you hold tight to, even if you don't want to. Be free.

much love,
b

4 comments:

  1. Whatever you do, don't let go of those socks.

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  3. If I wasn't in your dream then you obviously forgot about that one time you did that one thing to me and my familia. Heeal nau I ain't lettin dat go sista! I'll remind you bout what I'm talkin bout next time I see ya. And you better believe I'm bringin the quiet face!

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  4. Jesus has forgiven you. Who are you to hold on to what He has already forgiven? Is that not pride talking? Satan enjoys and even encourages us to not forgive ourselves.

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